陀思妥耶夫斯基致兄长米哈依尔（2）
陀思妥耶夫斯基致兄长米哈依尔（2）
经常写信给我吧，要尽量写得详细些，要包括很多事实。不要忘了在每封信中都要写上家里所有的细节和琐事，这将带给我希望和活力。你可知道，在这个要塞里，你的来信有使我复活的力量！最近两个半月来，因为禁止写信和收信，我度过了一段非常难熬的时光……
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如果我给任何人留有不好的记忆， 如果我同任何一个人争吵过，或者如果我给任何一个人造成了不愉快的印象，告诉他们忘掉这些吧——如果你能遇见他们的话。现在，我心里没有任何怨恨或者敌意，此时此刻，我应该拥抱我以前的每一位朋友，向他们表达深深的爱意。那是一种安慰，在今天临死之前, 向我亲爱的朋友说再见时，我亲自体验到了它……
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当我回首过去，想到有那么多的时光已经白白荒废，有那么多的时间丧失在错觉、过失、懒散以及对于生活的无知中，那时我没有珍惜时间，也经常违背自己的心灵和精神——一想到这些，我的心就在流血。生命是一种恩赐，是一种幸福，我们每时每刻都应该生活在快乐之中。年轻人如果有经验该多好啊！现在，我的生命改变了，我获得了新生。哥哥！我向你发誓，我一定不会丧失希望，我一定保持精神与心灵的纯洁，我将获得一种更好的新生。那将是我全部的希望和所有的安慰！
狱中生活已经把我身上不够纯洁的物质欲望消灭殆尽。以前，我对自己不够注意，如今，艰难困苦对我已不算什么，因此，不要担心物质上的艰苦会把我折磨死。这是绝不可能的事！唉，要是我有健壮的体格就好了！
好，再见了，再见了，哥哥！让我紧紧地拥抱你，让我深情地亲吻你。请在心里记着我，不要伤心，不要悲痛。我恳求你，不要为我悲伤！在下一封信里，我将告诉你我是如何到那里去的。请记住我所告诉你的一切：计划好你的生活，不要浪费光阴，安排好你该做的一切，为你的孩子们作好打算。啊，我多想见你一面，多想见你一面！再见了！现在，我将哭着告别我所热爱的一切事物，离开它们是多么痛苦啊！把一个人一分为二、把一颗心剖为两半是多么痛苦啊！再见了！再见了！但我非常确信将会再次看到你——我希望你一直爱我，不要改变，不要让你的记忆冷却，回想你的爱将是我生命中最重要的一部分。再见了！再见了！再说一遍，向所有的一切告别！
你的弟弟，
费奥多?陀思妥耶夫斯基
1849年12月22日
于彼得与保罗要塞
Fyodor Dostoevsky
To
The Peter and Paul Fortress,
December 22, 1849
Mihail Mihaliovich Dostoevsky,
Nevsky Prospect, opposite Gryazny Street,in the house of Neslind
Brother, my precious friend! all is settled! I am sentenced to four years' hard Combor in the fortress (I believe, of Orenburg), and after that to serve as a private. Today, the 22nd of December, we were taken to the Semionov Drill Ground. There the sentence of death was read to all of us, we were told to kiss the Cross, our swords were broken over our heads, and our Comst toilet was made (white shirts). Then three were tied to the pilComr for execution. I was the sixth. Three at a time were called out; consequently, I was in the second batch and no more than a minute was left me to live.
I remembered you, brother, and all yours; during the Comst minute you, you alone, were in my mind, only then I realized how I love you, dear brother mine! I also managed to embrace Plescheyev and Durov who stood close to me, and to say good?by to them. Finally the retreat was sounded, and those tied to the pilComr were led back, and it was announced to us that His Imperial Majesty granted us our lives. Then followed the present sentences. Palm alone has been pardoned, and returns with his old rank to the army.Txt小＿说天/堂