THE SOUTH-SEA HOUSE

THESOUTH-SEAHOUSE

READER,inthypassagefromtheBank-wherethouhastbeenreceivingthyhalf-yearlydividends(supposingthouartaleanannuitantlikemyself)totheFlowerPot,tosecureaplaceforDalston,orShacklewell,orsomeotherthysuburbanretreatnortherly,——didstthouneverobserveamelancholylookinghandsome,brickandstoneedifice,totheleft——whereThreadneedle-streetabutsuponBishopsgate?Idaresaythouhastoftenadmireditsmagnificentportalsevergapingwide,anddisclosingtoviewagravecourt,withcloistersandpillars,withfewornotracesofgoers-inorers-out——adesolationsomethinglikeBalcluthas.Thiswasonceahouseoftrade,——acentreofbusyinterests.Thethrongofmerchantswashere——thequickpulseofgain——andheresomeformsofbusinessarestillkeptup,thoughthesoulbelongsincefled.Herearestilltobeseenstatelyporticos;imposingstaircases;officesroomyasthestateapartmentsinpalacesdeserted,orthinlypeopledwithafewstragglingclerks;thestillmoresacredinteriorsofcourtandmitteerooms,withvenerablefacesofbeadles,doorkeepers——directorsseatedinformonsolemndays(toproclaimadeaddividend,)atlongworm-eatentables,thathavebeenmahogany,withtarnishedgilt-leathercoverings,supportingmassysilverinkstandslongsincedry——theoakenwainscotshungwithpicturesofdeceasedgovernorsandsub-governors,ofqueenAnne,andthetwofirstmonarchsoftheBrunswickdynasty;——hugecharts,whichsubsequentdiscoverieshaveantiquated;——dustymapsofMexico,dimasdreams,——andsoundingsoftheBayofPanama!——Thelongpassageshungwithbuckets,appended,inidlerow,towalls,whosesubstancemightdefyany,shortofthelast,conflagration:——withvastrangesofcellarageunderall,wheredollarsandpiecesofeightoncelay,an"unsunnedheap,"forMammontohavesolacedhissolitaryheartwithal,——longsincedissipated,orscatteredintoairattheblastofthebreakingofthatfamousBUBBLE.

[Footnote]*IpassedbythewallsofBalclutha,andtheyweredesolate——Ossian.

SuchistheSOUTHSEA-HOUSE.Atleast,suchitwasfortyyearsago,whenIknewit,——amagnificentrelic!Whatalterationsmayhavebeenmadeinitsince,Ihavehadnoopportunitiesofverifying.Time,Itakeforgranted,hasnotfreshenedit.Nowindhasresuscitatedthefaceofthesleepingwaters.Athickercrustbythistimestagnatesuponit.Themoths,thatwerethenbatteninguponitsobsoleteledgersandday-books,haverestedfromtheirdepredations,butotherlightgenerationshavesucceeded,makingfinefretworkamongtheirsingleanddoubleentries.Layersofdusthaveaccumulated(asuperfoetationofdirt!)upontheoldlayers,thatseldomusedtobedisturbed,savebysomecuriousfinger,nowandthen,inquisitivetoexplorethemodeofbook-keepinginQueenAnnesreign;or,withlesshallowedcuriosity,seekingtounveilsomeofthemysteriesofthattremendousHOAX,whoseextentthepettypeculatorsofourdaylookbackuponwiththesameexpressionofincredulousadmiration,andhopelessambitionofrivalry,aswouldbeethepunyfaceofmodernconspiracycontemplatingtheTitansizeofVauxssuperhumanplot.

PeacetothemanesoftheBUBBLE!Silenceanddestitutionareuponthywalls,proudhouse,foramemorial!

Situatedasthouart,intheveryheartofstirringandlivingmerce,——amidthefretandfeverofspeculation——withtheBank,andthe`Change,andtheIndia-houseaboutthee,inthehey-dayofpresentprosperity,withtheirimportantfaces,asitwere,insultingthee,theirpoorneighbouroutofbusiness——totheidleandmerelycontemplative,tosuchasme,oldhouse!thereisacharminthyquiet——acessation——acoolnessfrombusiness——anindolencealmostcloistral——whichisdelightful!WithwhatreverencehaveIpacedthygreatbareroomsandcourtsateventide!Theyspokeofthepast——theshadeofsomedeadaccountant,withvisionarypeninear,wouldflitbyme,stiffasinlife.Livingaccountsandaccountantspuzzleme.Ihavenoskillinfiguring.Butthygreatdeadtomes,whichscarcethreedegenerateclerksofthepresentdaycouldliftfromtheirenshriningshelveswiththeiroldfantasticflourishes,anddecorativerubricinterlacingtheirsumsintriplecolumniations,setdownwithformalsuperfluityofcypherswithpioussentencesatthebeginning,withoutwhichourreligiousancestorsneverventuredtoopenabookofbusiness,orbilloflading——thecostlyvellumcoversofsomeofthemalmostpersuadingusthatwearegotintosomebetterlibrary,areveryagreeableandedifyingspectacles.Icanlookuponthesedefunctdragonswithplacency.Thyheavyodd-shapedivory-handledpenknives(ourancestorshadeverythingonalargerscalethanwehaveheartsfor)areasgoodasanythingfromHerculaneum.Thepounce-boxesofourdayshavegoneretrograde.

TheveryclerkswhichIrememberintheSouthSea-House-Ispeakoffortyyearsback-hadanairverydifferentfromthoseinthepublicofficesthatIhavehadtodowithsince.Theypartookofthegeniusoftheplace!

Theyweremostly(fortheestablishmentdidnotadmitofsuperfluoussalaries)bachelors.Generally(fortheyhadnotmuchtodo)personsofacuriousandspeculativeturnofmind.Old-fashioned,forareasonmentionedbefore.Humorists,fortheywereofalldescriptions;and,nothavingbeenbroughttogetherinearlylife(whichhasatendencytoassimilatethemembersofcorporatebodiestoeachother),but,forthemostpart,placedinthishouseinripeormiddleage,theynecessarilycarriedintoittheirseparatehabitsandoddities,unqualified,ifImaysospeak,asintoamonstock.HencetheyformedasortofNoahsark.Oddfishes.Alay-monastery.Domesticretainersinagreathouse,keptmoreforshowthanuse.Yetpleasantfellows,fullofchat——andnotafewamongthemhadarrivedatconsiderableproficiencyontheGermanflute.

ThecashieratthattimewasoneEvans,aCambro-Briton.Hehadsomethingofthecholericplexionofhiscountrymenstampedonhisvisage,butwasaworthysensiblemanatbottom.Heworehishair,tothelast,powderedandfrizzedout,inthefashionwhichIremembertohaveseenincaricaturesofwhatweretermed,inmyyoungdays,Maccaronies.Hewasthelastofthatraceofbeaux.Melancholyasagib-catoverhiscounteralltheforenoon,IthinkIseehim,makinguphiscash(astheycallit)withtremulousfingers,asifhefearedeveryoneabouthimwasadefaulter;inhishypochondryreadytoimaginehimselfone;haunted,atleast,withtheideaofthepossibilityofhisbeingone:histristfulvisageclearingupalittleoverhisroastneckofvealatAndertonsattwo(wherehispicturestillhangs,takenalittlebeforehisdeathbydesireofthemasterofthecoffee-house,whichhehadfrequentedforthelastfive-and-twentyyears),butnotattainingthemeridianofitsanimationtilleveningbroughtonthehourofteaandvisiting.Thesimultaneoussoundofhiswell-knownrapatthedoorwiththestrokeoftheclockannouncingsix,wasatopicofnever-failingmirthinthefamilieswhichthisdearoldbachelorgladdenedwithhispresence.Thenwashisforte,hisglorifiedhour!Howwouldhechirp,andexpand,overamuffin!Howwouldhedilateintosecrethistory!Hiscountryman,Pennanthimselfinparticular,couldnotbemoreeloquentthanheinrelationtooldandnewLondon——thesiteofoldtheatres,churches,streetsgonetodecay——whereRosamondspondstood——theMulberry-gardens——andtheConduitinCheap——withmanyapleasantanecdote,derivedfrompaternaltradition,ofthosegrotesquefigureswhichHogarthhasimmortalizedinhispictureofNoon,——theworthydescendantsofthoseheroicconfessors,who,flyingtothiscountry,fromthewrathofLouistheFourteenthandhisdragoons,keptalivetheflameofpurereligionintheshelteringobscuritiesofHog-lane,andthevicinityoftheSevenDials!

Deputy,underEvans,wasThomasTame.Hehadtheairandstoopofanobleman.Youwouldhavetakenhimforone,hadyoumethiminoneofthepassagesleadingtoWestminster-hall.Bystoop,Imeanthatgentlebendingofthebodyforwards,which,ingreatmen,mustbesupposedtobetheeffectofanhabitualcondescendingattentiontotheapplicationsoftheirinferiors.Whileheheldyouinconverse,youfeltstrainedtotheheightinthecolloquy.Theconferenceover,youwereatleisuretosmileattheparativeinsignificanceofthepretensionswhichhadjustawedyou.Hisintellectwasoftheshallowestorder.Itdidnotreachtoasaworaproverb.Hismindwasinitsoriginalstateofwhitepaper.Asuckingbabemighthaveposedhim.Whatwasitthen?Washerich?Alas,no!ThomasTamewasverypoor.Bothheandhiswifelookedoutwardlygentlefolks,whenIfearallwasnotwellatalltimeswithin.Shehadaneatmeagreperson,whichitwasevidentshehadnotsinnedinover-pampering;butinitsveinswasnobleblood.Shetracedherdescent,bysomelabyrinthofrelationship,whichIneverthoroughlyunderstood,——muchlesscanexplainwithanyheraldiccertaintyatthistimeofday,——totheillustrious,butunfortunatehouseofDerwentwater.ThiswasthesecretofThomassstoop.Thiswasthethought——thesentiment——thebrightsolitarystarofyourlives,——yemildandhappypair,——whichcheeredyouinthenightofintellect,andintheobscurityofyourstation!Thiswastoyouinsteadofriches,insteadofrank,insteadofglitteringattainments:anditwasworththemalltogether.Youinsultednonewithit;but,whileyouworeitasapieceofdefensivearmouronly,noinsultlikewisecouldreachyouthroughit.Decusetsolamen.

Ofquiteanotherstampwasthethenaccountant,JohnTipp.Heneitherpretendedtohighblood,noringoodtruthcaredonefigaboutthematter.He"thoughtanaccountantthegreatestcharacterintheworld,andhimselfthegreatestaccountantinit."YetJohnwasnotwithouthishobby.Thefiddlerelievedhisvacanthours.Hesang,certainly,withothernotesthantotheOrpheanlyre.Hedid,indeed,screamandscrapemostabominably.HisfinesuiteofofficialroomsinThreadneedle-street,which,withoutanythingverysubstantialappendedtothem,wereenoughtoenlargeamansnotionsofhimselfthatlivedinthem,(Iknownotwhoistheoccupierofthemnow)resoundedfortnightlytothenotesofaconcertof"sweetbreasts,"asourancestorswouldhavecalledthem,culledfromclub-roomsandorchestras——chorussingers——firstandsecondvioloncellos——doublebasses——andclarionetswhoatehiscoldmutton,anddrankhispunch,andpraisedhisear.HesatelikeLordMidasamongthem.ButatthedeskTippwasquiteanothersortofcreature.Thenceallideas,thatwerepurelyornamental,werebanished.Youcouldnotspeakofanythingromanticwithoutrebuke.Politicswereexcluded.Anewspaperwasthoughttoorefinedandabstracted.Thewholedutyofmanconsistedinwritingoffdividendwarrants.Thestrikingoftheannualbalanceinthepanysbooks(which,perhaps,differedfromthebalanceoflastyearinthesumof25l.1s.6d.)occupiedhisdaysandnightsforamonthprevious.NotthatTippwasblindtothedeadnessofthings(astheycalltheminthecity)inhisbelovedhouse,ordidnotsighforareturnoftheoldstiflingdayswhenSouthSeahopeswereyoung——(hewasindeedequaltothewieldingofanythemostintricateaccountsofthemostflourishingpanyintheseorthosedays):——buttoagenuineaccountantthedifferenceofproceedsisasnothing.Thefractionalfarthingisasdeartohisheartasthethousandswhichstandbeforeit.Heisthetrueactor,who,whetherhispartbeaprinceorapeasant,mustactitwithlikeintensity.WithTippformwaseverything.Hislifewasformal.Hisactionsseemedruledwitharuler.Hispenwasnotlesserringthanhisheart.Hemadethebestexecutorintheworld:hewasplaguedwithincessantexecutorshipsaccordingly,whichexcitedhisspleenandsoothedhisvanityinequalratios.Hewouldswear(forTippswore)atthelittleorphans,whoserightshewouldguardwithatenacitylikethegraspofthedyinghand,thatmendedtheirintereststohisprotection.Withallthistherewasabouthimasortoftimidity——(hisfewenemiesusedtogiveitaworsename)somethingwhich,inreverencetothgdead,wewillplace,ifyouplease,alittleonthissideoftheheroic.NaturecertainlyhadbeenpleasedtoendowJohnTippwithasufficientmeasureoftheprincipleofself-preservation.Thereisacowardicewhichwedonotdespise,becauseithasnothingbaseortreacherousinitselements;itbetraysitself,notyou:itismeretemperament;theabsenceoftheromanticandtheenterprising;itseesalionintheway,andwillnot,withFortinbras,"greatlyfindquarrelinastraw,"whensomgsupposedhonourisatstake.Tippnevermountedtheboxofastage-coachinhislife;orleanedagainsttherailsofabalcony;orwalkedupontheridgeofaparapet;orlookeddownaprecipice;orletoffagun;orwentuponawater-party;orwouldwillinglyletyougoifhecouldhavehelpedit:neitherwasitrecordedofhim,thatforlucre,orforintimidation,heeverforsookfriendorprinciple.

Whomnextshallwesummonfromthedustydead,inwhommonqualitiesbeeunmon?CanIforgetthee,HenryMan,thewit,thepolishedmanofletters,theauthor,oftheSouthSeaHouse?whoneverenteredstthyofficeinamorning,orquittedstitinmid-day——(whatdidstthouinanoffice?)——withoutsomequirkthatleftasting!Thygibesandthyjokesarenowextinct,orsurvivebutintwoforgottenvolumes,whichIhadthegoodfortunetorescuefromastallinBarbican,notthreedaysago,andfoundtheeterse,fresh,epigrammatic,asalive.Thywitisalittlegonebyinthesefastidiousdays——thytopicsarestaledbythe"new-borngauds"ofthetime——butgreatthouusedtobeinPublicLedgers,andinChronicles,uponChatham,andShelburne,andRockingham,andHowe,andBurgoyne,andClinton,andthewarwhichendedinthetearingfromGreatBritainherrebelliouscolonies,——andKeppel,andWilkes,andSawbridge,andBull,andDunning,andPratt,andRichmond,——andsuchsmallpolitics-

Alittlelessfacetious,andagreatdealmoreObstreperous,wasfinerattling,rattleheadedPlumer.Hewasdescended,——notinarightline,reader,(forhislinealpretensions,likehispersonal,favouredalittleofthesinisterbend)fromthePlumersofHertfordshire.Sotraditiongavehimout;andcertainfamilyfeaturesnotalittlesanctionedtheopinion.CertainlyoldWalterPlumer(hisreputedauthor)hadbeenarakeinhisdays,andvisitedmuchinItaly,andhadseentheworld.Hewasuncle,bachelor-uncle,tothefineoldwhigstillliving,whohasrepresentedthecountyinsomanysuccessiveparliaments,andhasafineoldmansionnearWare.WalterflourishedinGeorgetheSecondsdays,andwasthesamewhowassummonedbeforetheHouseofCommonsaboutabusinessoffranks,withtheoldDuchessofMarlborough.YoumayreadofitinJohnsonsLifeofCave.Cavecameoffcleverlyinthatbusiness.ItiscertainourPlumerdidnothingtodiscountenancetherumour.Heratherseemedpleasedwheneveritwas,withallgentleness,insinuated.But,besideshisfamilypretensions,Plumerwasanengagingfellow,andsanggloriously-

NotsosweetlysangPlumerasthousangest,mild,child-like,pastoralM——;aflutesbreathinglessdivinelywhisperingthanthyArcadianmelodies,when,intonesworthyofArden,thoudidstchantthatsongsungbyAmienstothebanishedDuke,whichproclaimsthewinterwindmorelenientthanforamantobeungrateful.ThysirewasoldsurlyM——,theunapproachablechurchwardenofBishopsgate.Heknewnotwhathedid,whenhebegatthee,likespring,gentleoffspringofblusteringwinter:——onlyunfortunateinthyending,whichshouldhavebeenmild,conciliatory,swan-like-

Muchremainstosing.Manyfantasticshapesriseup,buttheymustbemineinprivate——alreadyIhavefooledthereadertothetopofhisbent;——elsecouldIomitthatstrangecreatureWoollett,whoexistedintryingthequestion,andboughtlitigations?——andstillstranger,inimitable,solemnHepworth,fromwhosegravityNewtonmighthavededucedthelawofgravitation.Howprofoundlywouldhenibapen——withwhatdeliberationwouldhewetawafer!——

P>Butitistimetoclose——nightswheelsarerattlingfastoverme——itispropertohavedonewiththissolemnmockery.

Reader,whatifIhavebeenplayingwiththeeallthiswhile——peradventuretheverynames,whichIhavesummonedupbeforethee,arefantasticinsubstantiallikeHenryPimpernel,andoldJohnNapsofGreece:——

Besatisfiedthatsomethingansweringtothemhashadabeing.Theirimportanceisfromthepast.